This is my take on TERF’s:
If I might add my own two cents:
You can’t not read it in his voice. Also, yay!
Honestly, what gets you motivated is going to be different for everyone. On the upside(?), falling into a creative slump is completely normal — I can’t name a single creator that I know of who hasn’t experienced a temporary dry spell. There are loads of things you can try to get out of it, such as:
Beyond all of that advice, the simplest piece I have is: Wait. It will pass. It wasn’t long ago that I would simply not draw for weeks at a time and experienced frequent art blocks, but trying the advice above always got me out of it one way or the other. It’s not just you and your creativity isn’t a finite resource, it just ebbs and flows. Remember that.
Good luck with everything!
There aren’t"only" those couples.
In fact, and this might surprise you, lesbians (and women in general) are individual people with individual preferences in their partner(s). You can find out more about that here, in our comic Lesbians 101.
Of course, butch/femme couples do indeed exist, but the prevalence of people saying they only see them in-person I chalk up to:
1. Heteronormativity. It’s easy to pick out people who look like “couples” when the default is two cis opposite-sex people. In point of fact, it’s ridiculous how many of my straight, femme women friends are mistaken for lesbians simply because they choose to be around butch or MOC women friends (who sometimes happen to be straight, too!). They aren’t a couple, but people automatically assume it must be so based on outdated and ridiculous couple stereotypes. There must be a polar dynamic in order for a relationship to form, and if two opposites are together, well, golly, they’re certainly fucking!
And related to that is:
2. Femme Invisibility. That’s a term used mostly in the lesbian community that basically means femme lesbians are overlooked as “real lesbians” or go unnoticed as queer altogether, both by heterosexual people and queer people. I’ve experienced it myself, it’s very real and very silly.
And on that token, I’ve also experienced what I like to call:
3. Double-Femme-Invisbility. Basically, people don’t fucking notice two femme lesbians. Those two women in skirts and heels sitting at Starbucks? “Friends out for coffee, definitely not a couple!” Those long-haired girls with pink nails browsing the make-up aisle together? “Friends picking out makeup for each other, definitely not lesbians!” Those two older women walking through a wooded ravine with their fashionable scarves? “It’s nice that grandma has a friend! Absolutely never lesbians.” Two ladies sitting in a pediatricians’ office, kids running rampant? “Too bad those women’s husbands couldn’t make it to the doctor visit! Surely they aren’t lesbians!”
First-hand, when I’ve dated more feminine women: Men still hit on us. If we said “We’re actually a couple. Dating. Lesbians!”? Men would argue with us about the validity of that since we both looked “so girly.” People at stores and restaurants would regularly ask if we were “sisters” and if we said no, they would remark on how nice it was to see such close friends. In a lesser way, this one applies to butch/butch couples as well. While people might more readily assume they’re queer in some way, they rarely assume two MOC women are a couple. Stereotypes definitely factor in to confirmation bias and it sucks.
Am I saying there are no butch/femme couples? No, of course not. Just that they’re not the ONLY lesbian couples out there. I know plenty of butch/femme lesbian couples, some people’s entire social circles are made up of such couples. But, then again, some people’s entire social circles are made up of only white, heterosexual cis couples, so don’t always believe that correlation implies causation.
There are many wonderful ‘samesies’ lesbian couples out there, just as there are unique people with unique preferences.
So, expand your mind a bit, look beyond your stereotyping and come to accept that there’s more to life than your weird and wacky confirmation bias.
We regularly use condoms during sex, but we don’t use things like dental dams, finger condoms or any other form of protective covering/protection during sex, which would be important if we had any communicable diseases we didn’t want to contract from each other — and are important for anyone participating in sex to be aware of and use diligently if they aren’t “fluid bonded” like we are.
To the crux of the issue, we personally use condoms for several reasons:
- It’s easier to switch up orifices. We might like getting our cock (strap-on) sucked, but we don’t like ass-to-mouth. It’s also healthier for vaginal penetration if we’re using the same toy for anal to simply take off the (used) condom and apply a clean one. They work for fingers in much the same way, too and you don’t have to worry about bacteria trapped under nails after a round.
- Toys can’t be implicitly trusted! You can read about fake toys in this lovely article here, which is sadly a very pervasive problem in the sex-toy industry and there’s no way to tell with 100% certainty (other than buying directly from smaller companies) that the toy you’re buying isn’t a knock off. And some toys are made with porous materials that can lock in bacteria. And some toys are made of materials that could be hazardous to delicate skin or cause allergic reactions. It’s simply safer and more practical to use a condom with every toy we have, whether or not it’s penetrative.*
- Added lubrication or sensations. Most condoms come with added lube on the inside and outside, making any sex (penetrative or not) more enjoyable. You can also buy ones with fun things like cooling mint, ribs and dots, flavors, warming sensations, etc., etc., that vary up sex.
- Condoms are sexy. A lot of people don’t think so, because in most of media condoms are never shown and if they are, it’s usually a joke or to be absolutely eye-rolled at. In our bedroom, we have a pretty box dedicated to condoms with a little faux-gem handle on top. When we see that glamorous box sitting on the bedside table, we know that not just 69ing is about to happen, but the Full Monty of some kind will be going down. Putting the condom on is amazingly sexy, from the in-mouth technique to simply sliding it on a toy slowly or quickly before the toy is used. It’s a sexy way to not only initiate sex, but also to communicate in our relationship what type of sex we’re going to have and a type of mental foreplay that’s very satisfying. And it’s always sexy when you care about your partner’s health and well-being.
- Communication is sexy. Speaking of communication, simply buying condoms (whether interesting flavors/shapes/etc. or not) helps us initiate a conversation about our sexual preferences and desires. Why those particular condoms, what we’d like to do with them, things we haven’t enjoyed about previous types, things we highly enjoy about past sex acts, etc. It helps us stay abreast (ha) of our current sexual preferences and desires in an easy, fun way that can also spark new ideas to experiment with.
- Roleplay is sexy. I’ve mentioned it before, but my spouse and I like to roleplay and sometimes that means roleplaying during sex. Having condoms handy means that some of the roleplaying is even more realistic and by that benefit, even naughtier than imagined.
- It helps with BDSM. We also practice a lot of (safe, consensual) BDSM — condoms are yet another way for us to be either assertive or passive in sex. By having the other person put on the condom, especially while they’re restrained in some way, it’s a form of the dom/sub/switch relationship we’ve built with each other to be exercised in a very sexual manner.
These are, at least, the main reason we use condoms. We love them, they’re safer and sexier than going without and we know our sex life is happy and full of randy times because we buy them frequently. Condoms are just another way for us to stay connected to each other in all aspects of our sex-life. <3
*Of course, we always clean our toys/restraints/sheets/hands/bodies thoroughly after sex and boil the toys we can every week, but it doesn’t hurt to take extra precautions when it comes to your sexual health and well-being.
Moral of this story: condoms do a hell of a lot more than catch fluids. Try them sometime!
Ferguson: Ugh, can people stop talking about this already??? I’m so tired of seeing it! I don’t get why people are so upset over this.
Mention that queerbaiting in Adventure Time is wrong: I WILL FUCKING FIGHT YOU. THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH ADVENTURE TIME. FUCK YOU. I SHIP BUBBLEGUM/MARCELINE. IT’S IMPLIED THAT THEY WERE IN A RELATIONSHIP. WHERE DO YOU LIVE I’M GONNA FIND YOU AND KILL YOU. HOW DARE YOU. YOU’RE DENYING POOR KIDS IN OTHER COUNTRIES THE ABILITY TO WATCH THIS SHOW IF YOU WANT GAY PEOPLE IN IT BECAUSE THEY WON’T BROADCAST IT OTHERWISE. THEIR HANDS ARE TIED. I’LL KILL YOU. YOU’RE IMAGINING THE QUEERBAITING BECAUSE THEY SAID THEY CAN’T HAVE THEM BE IN A RELATIONSHIP, MEANING THEY’RE GAY. ASGKJSAGKAGSKD!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah, I’ve gotten actual physical threats over this now, so I’m officially saying a giant “Fuck You” and signing off on it — no more answers, all Anon hate will be deleted, and I’m not replying to queer bait apologists. No Matter What: It’s queer baiting. Get the fuck over it or don’t, feel however you want to feel about it, but mostly:
Good job keeping a cool head about issues, Tumblr! This was a totally justified reaction to a discussion about television and a few queer people saying, “it would be nice to see some actually queer characters now and then.”
I would also like to take this moment to point out the enormous disparity between my wife’s inbox and my own. I hope you irate and violent anons realize *I* was the one who started the queerbaiting discussion. Yet, my inbox had a brief trickle of clarification asks, whereas K’s is still blowing up with arguments about AT’s queerbaiting and more violent threats keep showing up.
So, to those argumentative and hateful anons: why are you sending her flak and not me, the person who actually made the statements? Are you really that stupid or are you scared to pick on someone who will tell you where to stick it?*
I honestly don’t plan on spending more time on this issue, even if a few of you damp sponges do eventually figure out that hate mail goes to me and not K, but I felt the need to point out that this sort of behavior is disgusting, ridiculous, and a waste of your time.
*Hint: It’s up your ass. Be careful to not confuse that with your face, which just looks like an ass and spews figurative shit.
1. It’s still queerbaiting.
2. Is he more worried about kids being deprived of the show in other countries than he is of kids being denied seeing representations of their identities on TV? That seems like absurd, unreasonable logic to me, and more to do with money and brand advancement, which is well within his right to want for his show, but definitely not an argument that’s going to win me over on why it’s okay to never put queer characters on TV.
3. It’s okay to acknowledge that a show you absolutely love has done something sorta shitty and still absolutely love it. It’s not okay to deny that said shittiness ever happened or that it has some totally-okay-and-not-shitty basis.
4. It’s still queerbaiting.
Further insight into the nuances of the issue, thanks to K!
For future reference, here’s a no-fail test for easily answering the question, "Is It Queerbaiting?":
If you get 1. “Yes” and 2. “No,” it’s queerbaiting. 3. was a trick question, because if the previous answers are correct, no explanation or excuse erases the fact that it is queerbaiting.
End of test.