Right before I moved away from Alaska, I did a lot of Stupid Teenager Stuff that I only very mildly regret. Part of that was hanging out with people and doing copious amounts of various drugs (and no, I am 0% ashamed of this).
During this time, my friends and I decided to go to an Ozzy Osbourne concert. Four of us — three girls and one dude, named Ben, who was driving — carpooled to the venue to meet up with mutual friends.
Ben and Jasmine were in the front seat of Ben’s car. Autumn (Jasmine’s sister) and I were in the back seat of Ben’s car. All four of us were very high — Jasmine and Ben on large amounts of cocaine, Autumn and I on a mix of weed and vicodin.
So generally, Autumn and I were very chill, sitting in the cushy, cozy backseat of Ben’s car, whereas Ben and Jasmine were a little more than amped and anticipating a rather public drug deal.
We pulled up to the venue and smoked a joint, then got our jackets on and our tickets ready. Ben turned around to look into the backseat at Autumn and I.
"Okay, the guy with the coke is gonna be here in a minute, he knows my car. You two have to get out," Ben said.
"Cool," I said. "We’ll go into the concert and meet you there."
"Okay," said Ben.
"Okay," said Autumn.
"Okay," said Ben again.
There was a pause.
“GET OUT!” Ben screamed in a coke-induced rage.
"Ben, we—," I started.
"GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE CAR! WHAT THE FUCK ARE WAITING FOR! GET OUT!”
“Ben…" I tried to explain above his tantrum.
"NO! GET THE FUCK OUT NOW! I FUCKING MEAN IT!!! GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT!"Ben screamed at the top of his lungs. Autumn and I stared at him and back at each other in horror.
I reached out, putting my hand on Ben’s shoulder in front of me.
"Ben," I explained slowly, "Your car is a two-door. We can’t get out until you do.”
Kids, that’s why cocaine is never the answer.
I love this story, but I won’t deny that I completely lost it at the “calm your mind” gif. I bow to the master.
In all seriousness, very few. I stopped saving gifs (except for the very obscure) because I like choosing them on the fly, free-association-style. I’m afraid my replies are just how I think: abstractly and with far too many pop culture references to be healthy.