You said in a while ago that you were bossy as a child. Do you have any favorite gloriously bossy moments?
I don’t know if “bossy” was really the right word, since that implies I was aggressive or bratty about it. “Good at negotiation” or “comfortable with leadership roles” might be better ways to describe how I was as a kid.
That being said, my favorite childhood victories were:
- Cemented a place at the family dinner table for my beloved stuffed polar bear, Rose. She got her own plate and everything. It was just accepted. She deserved it.
- Got to grade fellow students’ tests in elementary school. I argued my way into that role and stayed inside during recess to do it. I enjoyed it immensely, especially putting the marks in the teacher’s official grade books. I knew everyone’s performance records, but kept it to myself.
- Rearranged entire classrooms. While voluntarily staying in during recess (this was common, if you couldn’t tell), I liked to reorganize everything to my liking.
- Student body president. Heh. Heheheheh. Eventually got disappointed in the ways it definitely wasn’t like being a benevolent dictator.
- Generally got to replace an adult in any way. From teaching for a day in a 3rd grade class during 5th grade, to planning and cooking family meals, to tagging along at real world jobs and doing employees’ tasks, I always had this weird notion that the adults were my peers, not the people who were actually my age.
- Argued my way into homeschooling and then taught myself. I didn’t like school. At all. AT. ALL. There actually aren’t letters big and bold enough to convey how much I hated school. So, eventually I just stopped going, said, “face it, no one’s going to succeed in making me go,” and then got the paperwork to get homeschooled. I got to pick my subjects, I taught myself, then tested out and got all the official certifications. That was probably my ultimate act of childhood bossiness.
All in all, I was a strange, quiet, and controlling kid, but I doubt I ever came across as bossy. I was too gosh-golly-sweetness-and-sunshine to seem harsh. Can you imagine…
What's your take on the whole "femm lesbians with long fingernails" thing? I'm frequently told my nails are my best feature and people often can't believe they're not falsies, so I take a lot of pride in grooming and maintaining them, but I'm frequently told "a good lesbian cuts her nails short" for obvious sexy reasons... I've tried to compromise by keeping my index & middle finger on one hand short, but then I'm told "what if that's not enough for your partner?" and treated like I'm selfish...
There are several answers you could use to shut them the fuck up!
- "Many lesbians don’t enjoy penetration." Whether that’s true for your particular situation, it’s something very few people consider, despite being a common preference in the community.
- "That’s cisnormative as fuck." This will either spook them into silence right away or will open up an educational conversation about the differences between gender, sex, and sexuality. Win-win, really.
- "Do you ask gay guys and hetero women that, too?" Because, hey, just as there are women who don’t like being penetrated, there are plenty of men who do like it. Everybody has a hole somewhere.
- "If you’ve got the right moves, it’s not a problem." Because, seriously—
—speaking as someone who is in a couple where both parties often do grow their nails long, even the most enthusiastic fingering can and should feel like this:
Just be careful, people!