FindChaos

A Halloween Treat from the Haters!

Just as forewarning, there are possible triggers throughout this message for those in the LGBTQ community and their supporters. That being said, people like this don’t really deserve to be taken seriously, so feel free to read her bits in a silly nasally voice or whatever else you find comical.

Also, I would normally edit out her name for privacy’s sake, but the author is fairly well-known by LGBTQ groups as a vocal opponent who may or may not be real or even one person. I’m not really doing her character any added harm by making this hateful drivel public.

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The following was in my inbox this morning. I’ll add my response as we read it together:

Dear Fräulein Stiffler,I stumbled across your blog (http://chaoslife.findchaos.com/) and I have to say that I don’t approve what you are doing there.

My name is Sophie Miriam Herold, I’m a 25-year-old female undergraduate student from Germany.

Seems promising! It’s like we’re getting to know each other.

I am sorry to inform you that your gay experiment won’t have a future. Please try to understand this. It was fun for a while, like watching weird looking animals in a zoo, but only as long as you were hiding and not showing your affection to the same sex in public. Years ago, homosexuality was merely the base for novels or movies. But now that you are demanding equal rights, we straight people have to face a real problem. You are naughty and greedy. You have overdone things. And because you demand too much, you won’t get anything.

Uh oh, the jig is up, guys. Clearly, a big group of us watched some movies and said, “y’know what would be hilarious? If we tried to make this ‘gay’ business a real thing! And let’s get equal rights for it!” What should we do next? Zombies? I’m thinking we need to get some pro-zombie legislation out there. Whaddya say!

I want to say that I will use every legal measure to keep off homosexual people from having equal rights.
There isn’t an endless amount of human rights available, we have to deploy our resources carefully and wisely.

Eventually you will understand this one day.

I have to say, this part is a revelation for me. Human rights are a finite resource? Couldn’t we plant more crops of it, or maybe lobby to remove some of the subsidies against growing more? Clearly, this is an issue of supply and demand, and I’m willing to bet we have a lot of potential farmland just waiting to produce more human rights.

It is unbelievable how you, the LGBTQ people think that your sexual orientation could ever be socially accepted. It is such a miscalculation to assume that you would ever be equal. You can never expect that. Never ever. I will take every legal measure to fight you, I will try to avoid contact with you in real life. I don’t want to be touched by you (e.g. by shaking hands), I don’t want to sit next to you in a bus, I don’t want you in or near my family.

Aw geez, looks like you really screwed up that “I will try to avoid contact with you” thing. It’s okay, though, it’s the thought that counts.

I might have already met homosexual people, that’s why we need some sort of worlwide database where all the LGBTQ people are listed. So that we normal (=straight) people can avoid you.

Like a radar for gays or something… A “gay radar,” if you will. Let’s call it “gaydar,” for brevity’s sake. It’ll be so catchy!

There are things in the world that are just not okay. Being lesbian is one of them. I would love to be able to avoid you, but even in my peaceful, normal city there was a “Pride” this summer, a LGBTQ march for equal rights. How dare you to claim that homosexuality is normal.
Most straight people don’t show openly their aversion for you, but that doesn’t mean that they approve your lifestyle. Straight people might not beat you up, they might even talk and smile to you, but only on the outside. On the inside they wait until the laws that protect you will become invalid and then…dare you.

Straight people = crying on the inside at all times. How could I have been so insensitive? Also, I feel something got left out; “dare me,” what? Are we all going to play Truth or Dare? Fair warning: I kick ass at that game.

If you can’t conform to our (straight) society, you won’t be a part of our society.

I thought your “straight society” was already different from mine, so nothing.. changes..?

We will get rid of the homosexual perverts. One way or another.
Discipline, self control, rational thoughts should always dominate your mind.

Whuh-oh, getting a little Third Reich-y up in here.

I’m not very religious, and I don’t know what God wants.

Cheetos. It’s Cheetos. You’re welcome, philosophers.

We just have to deal with the facts: why are far more than 90% of all people straight? Because we are RIGHT and you LGBTQ people are WRONG.

Why do Caucasian people only make up 20-25% of the people in the world? Clearly, they are also wrong. Not to mention the 8-15% of lefties, and don’t even get me started on the 1-4% of redheads. Clearly, this person is the most correct of all, and all of us who don’t fit that criteria should go sit in a corner and wonder where we went wrong.

Your wrong sexual orientation disgusts me to no end.
Soon you will be very sorry for who you are. You will apologise to all of us normal people.

I can see the press conference now: “I know most of you have no idea who I am, what I did, or even understand the language I’m speaking. I just wanted to say, so sorry about those things I did privately in my own home that had no effect on you. Also, sorry for those God-sent natural disasters aimed at me, though alas, I’m in a landlocked region with no major fault lines, just outside Tornado Alley, so He had a little trouble reaching me directly. We all knew what He meant by it, though, and I feel really bad about it.”

As soon as scientists will find the gay gene, there won’t be any lesbian etc. babies anymore in this world. Then we can get rid of the LGBTQ peverts from the very beginning.
LGBTQ people won’t have a future, that’s why you should become normal immediately.
And because only 10% of all people are LGBTQ, we can abandon them. The world population is already large enough, why should we keep the gays alive?

Point taken. Man, things are not looking good for you left-handed, redheaded white people.

It isn’t anything personal, it’s just a job.I know that by putting me out there I will be harassed and threatened.

That is the price I have to pay for telling the truth about gay people. But I am not afraid of being physically harmed or killed. You may break my bones, but you can’t change the facts: that homosexuality is abnormal and disgusting.

You’re totally right and very brave. I mean, wouldn’t it suck to get hate from complete strangers just for trying to live your life the way you see fit?

You have to play your gender role, you have to do what society expects from you. You do have to do your duty as a woman and be with a man. If you don’t, you have to suffer from the consequences.

Stiffler: Not Providing All of Mankind with Her Lady-Parts since 1983. Clearly, I’m just living on borrowed time.

Stop bothering other people with your “homosexuality”. In fact you don’t have any problems. All that you’re doing is just a weird idea that comes from the fact that today, everybody is trying to stand out and to be selfish. You are trying to be a ”special” person to sell your drawings by being “lesbian”. No one or only a few would care about your comics if you weren’t gay.

Considering most of the letters I get on the lesbian/female-thing are, “I had no idea you were a girl until just this second,” I think I’m doing a pretty poor job of using it for a marketing tool.

And it’s even worse: you are corrupting a normal, decent looking woman by being her “girlfriend”. Shame on you.

So nice of you to notice my wife is hot! But look out, you might be appreciating that female-gender a liiiiittle too much for a “normal” girl. It’s a slippery slope, my friend.

You are a woman. You have to be with a man. If you don’t attract any men, you should consider growing your hair longer, wearing makeup and dressing more girly.

We’ve been over this, and unfortunately, it just doesn’t work.

I hope you will never have kids. Because you would mess them up.

Oh my god, me, too! It’s not the lesbian thing that would mess them up, though, just my constant cringing in their presence. That’s a self-esteem killer.