Haha, I don’t know if you meant to reference the exact phrase my wife dissected recently or not, but she makes a lot of similar points as I would/will. (For example, gender identity isn’t about love — and my wife potentially banging another woman isn’t about love, but desire.) Or more to the point:
Erasure ≠ Acceptance
(Also, you’re not a bad person, but you might be saying bad things.)
Even if you are accepting, you’re coming across as completely disinterested in something that clearly matters a lot to other people, which is probably why people have reacted badly before. It’s all well and good that gender and sexuality don’t matter to you, but a statement like “I don’t care about…” doesn’t sound like, “I accept everyone equally and we’re all great,” it sounds like, “your priorities don’t matter to me and —” (depending on the delivery) “— you’re stupid/backwards/less enlightened/less accepting than I am.”
If people want to label themselves as part of their culture, heritage, or personal identity, that’s their right. It’s human nature and a natural part of any person’s identity. I guess what puzzles me about sentiments like yours (and I do see it pop up a lot) is: why does it matter so damned much? It’s great if you don’t feel like labeling yourself, awesome if you don’t label others, but if someone says, “I’m gay,” is it really so inconvenient to respect that label? It’s not like it takes time out of your day or has to be constantly brought up in conversation. “Hey, gay Steve! How’s being gay? Feeling gayer today? I’m obligated to ask you all about gay stuff now that you’ve told me. I sure miss the days when I didn’t have a label for you, gay Steve.”
(That last part is only partially sarcastic. I honestly don’t understand this movement insisting on ignoring people’s self-imposed labels.)
The whole thing is a mystery to me. In a way, it’s almost like not wanting to be inconvenienced by the knowledge of how someone might be different from you. Diversity should be celebrated, not ignored in favor of homogeneity.